Hubby Gladring left several months before I did and it did affect our marraige for a while. Him "leaving the tuth" made me more resolute to go the all the meetings and not miss ministry etc just like your wife is now doing. That's because of the whole "won without a word" notion. Our actions are meant to bring our husbands back to their senses ie the meetings. I know its hard but try to put yourself in her mindset. You know deep down she's only doing what she's been told is the right thing to do.
The consellor will hopefully be helpful to fixing the problems. But in the meantime, is there any way the two of you could have a good heart to heart talk? The problem probably is a lack of mutual understanding as it was in our case. I really didn't understand why Gladring was doing and saying all he was so we talked about it in a way that didn't make me defensive about my faith. It was tough, we both had to work hard to be able to stick with the conversation but it really was the turning ponint for us because I finally understood him and things improved hugely between us after that, though I still didn't leave the JWs for about 6 months after that.
Give it a shot. Sounds like you really want this to work so do all in your power to make this happen. And remember the Dr Phil line, the only person you can change is you. Don't focus on what changes she needs to make, just do what you can to improve the situation.
Positive thoughts for you.
Am